Miss You
by XxRen-Dez-VousxX
Summary: After Eclipse, Jane kills Edward. It's been a year; Jacob hasn't come back. Bella is way past depression. My first fan fiction. BellaxJacob -DISCONTINUED-
1. Complicated

**My first fanfiction...I just thought of it one day...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters.

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**I shuddered and bolted upright in bed. The massive flood of tears came before I had any chance of halting them. Images from the horrid nightmare crowded my mind; a dark cloak, a childish smile. A loud _crack!_ and the smell of something burning.

Edward.

I tried desperately to conjure his glorious face in my mind but, somehow, the image would not come. I remembered the day very clearly, as if it were yesterday instead of over a year ago. It was after the fight. And the Volturi had left. After Edward and I had told Charlie about our engagement. After Jacob had run away.

Caius had not been pleased to hear that I was still human. Edward had not kept his promise. Caius was willing to send a few of the Guard to ensure both of our deaths, but Jane had volunteered. Of course, Alice had forseen the visit and we had been prepared. Jane and her hooded cronies had met us at the meadow. Edward, adamant as he was, had pleaded with me to let Alice and Esme take me out of the state, or possibly out of the country, but I stubbornly put my foot down. If he died, so would I.

I remembered both Alice and Edward squeezing my hand as the hooded figures approached. Jane, stunning in her child-like way, led the group with no visible signs of hesitation. Edward and Carlisle stepped forward to meet her. They spoke in hushed tones for several long moments. I guessed they were talking about me, judging by the way the gestured in my general direction every few seconds. Suddenly, Emmett took hold of each of my arms. Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Rosalie formed a protective circle around. I panicked as Edward was sthen blocked from my view. I could barely see Jane's sadistic girlish grin. I heard Edward start to yell something and scream.

Carlisle yelled, "No!"

Which mirrored my thoughts almost perfectly.

I tried to pull out of Emmett's iron grasp, but failed. His hands were like tourniquets on my arms, pinning them to my sides. I heard the crack and smelled the burning seconds later. And then Carlisle was beside us. I looked up to see Esme with her face pressed into his shoulder. Emmett had released me and was beside Rosalie. Alice sat with her face in her hands, shaking , with Jasper at her side.

And I felt guilty.

Because out of the seven of us, I was the only one who could cry. And then everything went black.

That's what I remembered most about the day the world ended. Later, I learned that Edward had seen the vision of his death in Alice's head. They had planned it out. No one was allowed to let me near Jane or Edward. Damn Edward and his morals.

Actually, it was more than that. Whatever happened to the whole "You die, I die" thing? I had made it clear that if he was to somehow perish, I wanted to go too. I refused to be kept safe 500 miles away when my true love was in imminent danger. God, DAMN him. I punched the pillow out of pure frustration. A light tapping at the window brought me out of my momentary hysteria. I sighed. Alice. She'd been visiting me almost every night since- I forced myself to think the words- Edward's death. I slipped out from under the covers and shuffled to the window. I shoved it open and stepped back as Alice dropped soundlessly from the sill. Once in, she hugged me and I slumped against her stone shoulder.

"Kill me," I whispered, only half-joking.

She pulled away.

"That's starting to get on my nerves. You know full well I would never even think of that."

I rolled my eyes. She had her own morals. Must be a vampire thing. I straightened.

"I have a theory," I informed her.

She looked wary. "Which is?"

"I figure if you change me now, I'll be so distracted that I won't have a whole lot of time to-"

"Don't finish that sentence," she cut me off, "You know it isn't that simple. You think that just because you can't _cry_ that you'll feel _less sad_?" Her voice began to rise.

I sighed and sat down on the bed. "You're right," I told her, "I just want this to go away. You guys must hate me."

Alice stared at me and then sat down beside me.

"Of course not. Bella, no one blames you for this. I mean, really, we can't exactly hate you for something you can't control. Or rather-," She shook her head and I took her hand.

"Thanks, Alice."

She smiled and stood up.

"Come by tomorrow. Esme really wants to see you. She's worried."

I promised t visit and she left. I flopped down on the bed, knowing the chances of getting back to sleep were slim to none.

_Jacob, where are you? I need you._

It was the hundredth time I'd thought those words that week. It was true though. I really did need him. He was my sun, my remedy when I needed it most. And now, when "need" didn't even begin to cover it, her was gone. The thought of his warm, russett skin brought tears to my eyes and I lay there, slowly crying myself back to sleep.

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_**I'm sitting at my computer, trying desperately to finish up a chapter when I look up. **_

_**"You killed my Edward," Stephenie says matter-of-factly. She eyes the candy bar cluthed in my fist and snatches it away. She sniffs it an takes a bite. I'm in shock and seem to be unable to move. She disappears. With my candy bar.**_

_**"She took my chocolate," I say to myself, still shocked, and resume typing.

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**_**Well? First chapter okay? Go on, hit the button. REVIEWWWW! vvvvv Right here!  
**


	2. Visiting

**Hey finally the 2nd chapter thanks to Emma becuz I was having MAJOR troubles with uploading it. Sooo.. enjoy!**

**A/N: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.. I did own a chocolate bar... but..yeah. Anyways.. read!  
**

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I awoke to the sound of pots banging around in the kitchen. I hopped out of bed, rushing downstairs in hopes of rescuing the kitchen from Charlie's unsuccessful attmepts at cooking. He look up just as I entered.

"Oh, hey Bells. I was just trying to…," he trailed off, looking sheepish.

"It's okay Dad. I'm not that hungry. Actually, I was going to go see Alice after my shower."

He raised his eyebrows but said nothing. I turned and walked back up the stairs, smiling as I heard him hutter something that sounded like "Damn stove".

I grabbed fresh clothes from my room before heading to the bathroom. I shrugged out of my sweats and turned on the water, adjusting the temperature so that my skin scalded under the hot rain. My muscles relaxed as the water poured down my shoulders and back. Ten minutes later, I emerged, dripping wet and smelling of strawberry shampoo. I toweled off and changed into the clothes I'd brought with me. Quickly, I ran a brush through my still-damp hair and walked out of the bathroom. Slipping on a pair of shoes, I continued downstairs. I grabbed my keys, mumbled a half-hearted goodbye to Charlie, and muddled out the door. Praying it would start, I climbed into my truck and turned the key in the ignition. Th engine shuddered and coughed but eventually started.

Driving down the once-familiar road was not as easy as I'd expected. Several times, I felt my eyes sting with tears. Twice, I'd almost turned around and headed back home. This was the first time I'd been to the Cullen's since…I shrugged off the thought and focused on trying to control my emotions since I still was not sure how much seeing me cry would unnerve them, besides Alice. I made a little noise as I turned onto the road that led to their house. The building was concealed by trees and when I saw it, I gasped. Although nothong had changed since the last time I'd been there, the sight of it shocked me still. I parked my truck and swalloed hard. Taking a deep breath, I got out and walked stiffly to the door. When I reached it, I raised my hand to knoc, then felt stupid. Knocking would be the polite thing to do, but I'd been here so many times that it did not feel necessary. I was saved humiliation when the door flew open.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice greeted me.

I spotted Jasper behind her and tried to smile. I could only imagine what the smile looked like on my sunken face. Alice pulled me inside and shut the door. I squinted inside the darkened room. Somewhere, someone flipped on a light. Esme and Carlisle came foreward.

"Bella, dear, so nice to see you," Esme said, hugging me and kissing my cheek.

I nodded and tried again to smile. Needless to say, I was unsuccessful. Alice caught my arm and led me to the couch, where I saw Emmett and Rosalie, leaning against eachother. Their heads were turned toward the TV, which was unnessarily turned up, creating the illusion that they were actually paying attention to it. Alice cleared her throat and their heads swiveled around to us. Emmett grinned at me, jumped up, and grabbed me up into a huge bear hug.

"Oof—uh, Emmett…crushing…bones…hurt."

He chuckled and set me down. Rosalie was still turned around, staring at us. Her lips curled over her teeth and she looked to Alice.

"What's _she_ doing here?" she hissed. "She's the one who got us into this mess; the cause of Edward's death."

Alice snarled and started to say something, but I cut her off.

"I'm sorry," I choked out, my voice barely a whisper.

I turned and ran out of the house, blinded by the ever-present tears. I started to get into my truck, but someone caught my hand.

"Bella, wait," Alice insisted, spinning me around to face her. "Rose is lying; nothing is your fault."

"Oh, really?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Yes!" She sighed hugely and said, "Come with me."

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**Okay, so I kinda ended it somewhat abruptly but I'll have the next chapter up sometime today :)**

**REVIEW!!!! Thanks!  
**


	3. Insomnia

**Yay! 3rd chapter! 'Kay, so of you're reading this (thanks to my awesome reviewers!), listen to the song (or look up the lyrics to) Missing You by Jem. It really goes with the story. Thanks to Maddieeee for suggesting it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, blah, blah, blah...  
**

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I eyed the house warily and she pulled me back into it without any effort whatsoever. We passed through the living room and Rosalie was nowhere to be seen. Both Esme and Carlisle's faces were apologetic and I turned my head away, embarassed at letting them see me cry. I followed Alice upstairs and stopped when she paused at Edward's door. She opened it slowly and I could tell that no one had been there since he…left. We both hesitated before moving inside, my uncertainity more pronounced than hers. I took in the mess of clothing, books, and CDs before stooping to pick up a shirt. I brought it to my face and inhaled. The scent was clearly Edward's and my heart ached as I breathed it in. Alice tapped my shoulder and I dropped the shirt from my face. She was holding out an envenope on which I could barely make out my name, printed in Edward's elegant cursive handwriting.

"He wrote this after he saw my vision. He didn't tell me when to give it to you. I just figured right after wouldn't be the best time, so I waited a little while…"

I nodded, though not fully understanding her concept of "a little while". I took the letter and, without hesitation, put it into my back pocket. Alice did not need any more waterworks from me today and I didn't plan on reading it now, anyway. Or anytime soon, for that matter. I heard Alice's teeth snap and a low growl emanate from her throat. I turned to see Rosalie standing in the doorway and drew in a sharp breath. Alice moved to stand in front of me and began talking so swiftly to Rose that I didn't even register she was speaking until Rosalie stopped her.

"Wait,"she said, holding up a hand. "I just want to talk to Bella. Give me two minutes."

Alice glared at her then said, "Two minutes. Be quick." She pushed past her and disappeared down the stairs.

"I want to apologize," Rose began. "I should not have spoken that way. It wasn't right for me to blame you for something that was clearly out of your hands. Edward chose to have us keep you safe and I respect his decision. You _are_ part of our family."

With that, she leaned in and hugged me. I was, to say the least, shocked.

"Thank you," I murmured.

We pulled apart and she smiled brilliantly at me. I followed her downstairs, still slightly mollified by what had just taken place.

I dreamed of Jacob that night. I was calling out his name, running to catch him, but he just kept turning away and I felt as if her was just out of reach, that I could just reach out and touch him, but my hands grasped only air. I woke up, gasping and-surprise-tears streaming down my face. I expected to find Alice at my window, but looked up to see only the moon, shining bright in the ebony sky. I needed to talk to Jake. Now. I didn't care if I had to hunt his wolfy-butt down, I was going to talk to him. I shoved the blankets away and got up. After putting on some clothes and making my hair somewhat presentable, I tiptoed downstairs and slipped out the door, pausing only to grab my keys. I climbed into my truck and started it, hoping that it would not wake Charlie. Still unsure how exactly I was going to get in touch with Jacob, I made my way to La Push. When I reached his house, I felt myself hold back. Another place I hadn't been to in over a year. Swallowing hard, I walked to the door. I knocked loudly, not at all expecting anyone to answer, let alone Jake. Suddenly impatient, I knocked again. I rang the doorbell twice and was just about to barge in, demanding the whereabouts of Wolf-Boy when the door opened. There stood—or sat, rather—Billy Black. His hair was slightly disheveled from the sleep I imagined I'd just robbed him of. He stared at me for a long moment before speaking.

"Bella? What on Earth? It's 3 a.m."

My eyes widened. Really? It felt like noon, despite the darkened sky.

"Jacob. Where is he?" I asked, trying unsuccessfully to make my voice sound less demanding than my thoughts.

Billy's brow furrowed in obvious confusion, and I resisted the urge to throttle the answer out of him.

"Ja-cob. Your. Son," I said, pronouncing each syllable as if I was teaching a child how to read. He seemed to register what I was saying because he nodded and waved me off to think. I rolled my eyes impatiently.

_What? You lose track of your son, Billy?_ I wanted to ask, but felt stupid thinking it. Jacob had run away from home, not disappeared from the supermarket.

"Canada."

I was interrupted in my thoughts by Billy's voice.

"Excuse me?"

"Canada. Jake called me a while ago from somewhere in Canada. Someplace close." He nodded again, as if the reassure himself.

"Thanks, Billy. Erm, sorry about the hour. I didn't realize…"

That what? He was still sleeping? Stupid, stupid, I chided myself inwardly.

"S'okay," he mumbled.

I thanked him again and told him goodbye. I trudged back to my truck, deciding that I would call Alice in the morning, though she'd probably already sen my visit and was likely already packed. I sighed, suddenly hugely exhausted, and drove home. When I finally got back to my bedroom, once again, I noticed Alice's unusual absense. Perhaps she had decided I was grounded enough to cease being baby-sitted. Yawning, I shed my shoes and socks and climbed back into bed. Some of the weight finally off my chest, I went back to sleep.

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**Done? Good, now review!! I'll have the next chapter up soon. Stayin up till midnight, yayy!!**


	4. Too much

**OMG finally the fourth chapter! 'Kay, so a few of you have been asking about the letter. She's not gonna read it till after she uhmm.. goes to find Jacob. It'll probably be in the 5th or 6th chapter. I decided to give you a long chapter cuz idk when i'm gonna be able to update next. Enjoy! **

Charlie was still asleep when I awoke the next morning. I slipped out of bed and, once again, descended the stairs as quietly as possible. Once in the kitchen, I grabbed two Pop-Tarts from a box in the cabinet and scribbled a note to Charlie, telling him that I would be spending the weekend with Alice. It wasn't an actual lie, sort of a deception, as he would probably guess she was dragging me shopping. Pop-Tarts in hand, I shuffled out the door, smiling as the sense of déjà vu I felt doing so.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, throwing open the door before I had a chance to knock. "Vacationnnnn," she sang, pulling me into the house. "I already packed for you," she said matter-of factly. Her elation was contagious that I just had to smile.

"Where are we going? New York? Vegas?" She fixed her golden eyes on me, sparkling with pure excitement.

I perked up. If she couldn't see where we were going, then maybe,,,

"Canada," I informed her, slightly distracted. I could see her try to hide her obvious disappointment and felt as if I was possibly just using her.

"Oh. W hat's in Canada." Alice asked suspiciously.

I grinned. "Well, hopefully a mall."

Her face lit up and she squealed again, hugging me. I planned to tell her the other reason for the sudden decision to leave the country when it was too late to reconsider. I waited downstairs while Alice dashed, quite literally, up the stairs to retrieve our bags.

"So what brought this on, Bella?" Esme asked me.

I shrugged, "She's been dying," I paused, considering rephrasing, as "dying" was not a word used in favor of vampires, but shook it off. "to take me shopping for a while and I figured it'll lighten the mood a bit."

She nodded, understanding. Suddenly, she laughed and I froze. I turned to see Alice perched atop a very large suitcase. Another one of the same size sat next to it, accompanied by three bulging duffel20bags. I grimaced and was just about to remind Alice that that I had only planned to be gone for the weekend, not the next two months, but she held up a hand.

"I know it looks like a bunch, but I only packed the necessities."

I raised an eyebrow. "What exactly constitutes as the necessities, Alice? The entire contents of both your room _and_ the bathroom?"

Emmett, who I just noticed lounging on the couch, chuckled loudly. Alice sneered. She hopped off the suitcase and I watched in awe as she picked up and carried what must have been at least a hundred and fifty pounds of baggage, waiting for the weight to overwhelm her and cause her to topple over. With such a small and seemingly delicate body, one would think that's just what would happen. But Alice didn't even break a sweat. As if she could. As she passed, she evil-eyed the remaining untouched Pop-Tart, still clutched in my fist. Shaking her head, she hauled the luggage effortlessly toward the garage. I stared down at the remainder of my breakfast, confused. I shrugged and turned d to follow her, but not before hugging Esme again and saying goodbye to the rest of her—my—family.

"Be safe," Esme called as I walked away, and I nodded.

When I stepped into the garage, I found Alice, finished packing our bags into the trunk, sitting on the hood of her yellow sports car inspecting her fingernails. I moved toward her, avoiding a certain shiny vehicle that was, at the moment, very conspicuous right out of my line of vision. She looked up to smile at me and gracefully stepped down from the car.

"So, where exactly are we headed?" she asked, getting into her car.

I followed suit. "Well, I thought we'd try Vancouver first…"

Alice nodded in agreement and started the car. I clicked on my seatbelt as she backed down the driveway and pealed onto the street. I was pushed back on my seat and I clutched the belt, tightening it on my chest. I'd forgotten how much vampires really liked speed. For the next two hours, Alice's minimum speed stayed at eighty mils an hour. Finally, she turned to me, her mouth twisted into a frown.

"So what was the real reason you wanted to go to Canada? I mean, if it was just for shopping, we could have gone to Seattle or Port Angeles; something closer. Also doesn't help that I can't _see_ anything," she said, the last part more to herself than me.

I took a deep breath before telling her, "I need to find Jacob. To talk to him. I didn't wanna go alone and I figured if I brought you, it would give me and excuse to let you buy me clothes…"

She narrowed her eyes and I was suddenly afraid she might turn around, but she continued driving.

"No wonder I can't see past Saturday. Bella, do you realize how much Edward went through to keep you safe?"

I nodded slowly, trying to comprehend her words.

"Then, for Pete's sake, why do you keep going out of your way to put yourself in danger?"

I gaped at her. After all this, how on earth could she still think of Jacob as "dangerous"? Our conversation ended there, as I refused to answer such a ridiculous question. We drove—or, rather, she drove and I sulked—in silence for abut four more hours. She didn't speak to me again until we crossed the border into the Columbian province.

"Do you need to eat? I can stop somewhere."

I shook my head and told her no, that I would eat once we reached the hotel.

Some thirty minutes later, Alice pulled into the parking lot of a huge and very expensive-looking hotel. I stared at her in utter disbelief.

"We're staying _here?_" I asked incredulously, gesturing to the enormous building.

"Well…unless you want to stay _there_," she pointed to a small, cramped motel down the street. The sign looked as if it was once white—fifty years ago. The front office had probably seen better days and some of the doors could have survived a nuclear war. I made a face and she looked smug. We got out of the car and retrieved our luggage from the trunk. Thankful for the clouds overhead, we made our way into the hotel and approached the concierge desk. The woman at the desk looked us up and down, pausing to gape at Alice's stunning beauty. I zoned out for the five minutes it took Alice to get a room, focusing on a small dot on the wall opposite me. I felt Alice touch my shoulder and, still slightly spaced out, followed her to the elevator. We got off on the third floor and she led me down the hall to our room. Alice unlocked and opened the door with added drama. I felt my jaw drop open with an audible _pop_. To say the room was big would be a massive understatement. My thoughts were more along the lines of _gigantic _or _huge_. And that still didn't even begin to cover it. I swore I could fit my entire house in there. Still shocked, I turned to Alice.

"I thought I said we were only staying the weekend, Alice."

Although the way she packed made it seem like we were moving in. She flashed me a brilliant smile before skipping into the suite. Not many people can skip while carrying fifty pounds without seriously hurting themselves; it could have been Guinness material. I followed her in, setting the bags down on the single four-poster bed, sure that she would have them all unpacked before I even had the chance to unzip one of them. She tossed me a Snicker's bar, which I very skillfully dropped.

"It'll go well with your half-assed breakfast," she said, winking.

"Half-assed? What do you have against high-fructose corn syrup?" I asked, picking up the candy and starting to unwrap it.

She snatched it back just as I was about to take a bite. I started to protest but she interrupted me.

"I was kidding. You've had enough junk food today. I'll order up a steak."

"Can you see me eating it?" I asked with a straight face. It didn't last very long.

She ignored me and proceeded to unpack. All of this took about a minute. As she busied herself with ordering room service, I decided to take a well-needed shower. As if reading my mind, Alice tossed a bundle of clean clothes and a bottle of shampoo. Ten minutes later, I stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed and smelling of pomegranates. Alice looked at me and nodded approvingly then strode toward me with a brush and a hairdryer. I groaned inwardly but remained silent as her eyes dared me to object. I sat still for the small amount of time it took her to fix my hair. When she was finished, she shoved a mirror in my face. This time, I really _did_ groan. I turned away from the Vile Thing. God, I hated mirrors. Alice scowled at me.

"Voyeurist," I mumbled, almost incoherently, though Alice had no trouble hearing it and whapped me on the arm, probably with more force than she intended.

"So. Now what?" she asked, changing the subject.

I looked up. "Well, I was thinking maybe…"

"You want to go hunt down your werewolf."

I nodded hesitantly and she made a face.

"Fine. But you're eating first. And I mean real food, nothing—"

"Half-assed," I finished for her.

She stuck out her tongue and I dodged the pillow she flung at me. There came a knock at the door and Alice opened it to a young and, admittedly, very attractive guy. His reaction to her was that of a child to a cookie jar. I watched as he gaped at her and almost drop the box he was holding—probably my lunch. Flashing a dazzling smile at the guy, Alice took the box from his shaking hands. He looked as if he were about to wet himself. Smiling again, she politely said thank you and closed the door. She set the box down on the table and drew out a covered plate with actual silverware.

"Nice kid," she said absently.

I scoffed. "Yeah. Typical college kid. He looked like he forgot his own name when you said thanks, Alice."

She giggled and motioned for me to sit. I did so and she plopped down on the sofa while I ate. Once again, I zoned out. You'd think it would appear to be somewhat difficult for one to space out while eating and not spill fod down their front, something for which I was painfully skilled at, but somehow I managed to keep my shirt clean. A while later—I didn't know how long—I looked back to my plate to find it empty. Wow. In that same second, Alice had swept the remnants of my lunch off the table and disappeared with the dishes.

"Show-off," I muttered and heard her chuckle.

She returned, keys dangling from her index finger, and I stood up. She tossed me the room key and I slid it into my pocket. I followed her down to the lobby, pausing at the door when she did.

"Weather's supposed to be crappy. You picked a good day to go hunting, Bella."

I scowled.

"Alice," I said through my teeth. "Usually hunting entails _shooting _an _animal_."

She turned to face me and grinned evilly. I narrowed my eyes and walked past her out the door and to the car.

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**Was it that long? Felt like it.. Anyways.. I'll try to update soon; school starts tomorrow yikes! Thanks so much for reviewing! And if you haven't well get to it ppl! Haha, thanks again!**

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	5. Visitor

**YAY!! 5th chapter, yesss! So, this is the last chapter that I've pre-written and it might be a few days before i update becuase i have to write the next chapter before typing it. (Weird, I know, but I can only find inspiration when writing with a pencil.) This one's fairly long (or it was on Word; 5 pages) Enjoy! Oh, and i realized i forgot a disclaimer on the last one, yikes! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters. (Repeat, cuz i forgot it last chapter)**

We had been driving for well over an hour and Alice had taken to appear to search every corner intently and loudly proclaim "Nope. No wolf." when clearly the only beings inhabiting them were stray cats and the occasional tramp.

"Alice," I began after about the fiftieth time. "You're going to send me to an institution. It's obvious Jake isn't here. Or at least we cant _see_ him. Can't you just _smell_ him out?"

She turned to me slowly and I could see her eyes flash black for a fraction of a second. "_Smell?_ _Smell_ him out? What am I, your personal _bloodhound?"_

I flinched and shook my head. "No. I'm sorry. If I let you take me to that mall over there and spend excessively on clothing I don't need but will probably end up wearing out of guilt will you forgive me?"

The corners of her mouth twitched, fighting a smile.

"I'll consider it," she said, pulling into the parking lot. We got out and hurried inside. I did not recognize the name of the first store she led me into. Something French, and, by the looks of it, damaging to even the most carefree shopper's budget. Alice immediately began pulling countless pairs of jeans and several shirts off the racks and shoving them into my arms. She steered me over to the checkout line and I asked, "I'm not trying them on?"

She shook her head. "No, that'd take too long. And besides, they'll fit, trust me."

The clerk rang up the purchases and I winced at the price. Alice, on the other hand, seemed very pleased, and handed over a credit card with no visible signs of indecision. She grabbed her bags—and her card—and led me out of the store. We passed by several others while she searched for a specific one, including one that could have been the French version of Abercrombie & Fitch. She finally stopped at one that did not look any less steep than its predecessor. Once again, Alice pushed what was probably close to sixty articles of clothing into my already-full arms.

I interrupted her seemingly unstoppable spree when I said, "Alice, please. I feel guilty. Buy something for yourself."

She frowned, but put down the pair of jeans she was holding and I followed her to a rack with noticeably smaller sizes. I could see she was less enthusiastic about shopping for herself; she picked out several shirts and dresses that would be considered casual in her wardrobe but seemed content with them. She paid and we lugged the bags out of the mall and back to her car. After stuffing them into the trunk, Alice hugged me.

"So I take it I'm forgiven?" I asked, returning the hug.

She looked up and grinned at me. I laughed as we pulled away and we got back into the car. Trusting her entirely to find the way back to the hotel, I leaned back against the seat, closed my eyes, and tried to catch up on some well-needed sleep. I must've been out for some time, because the next thing I knew, she was gently shaking me awake. I rubbed my eyes and glanced at the clock. 8:15. Time had, without a doubt, flown by. Still rather unsettled, I tumbled out of the car and Alice held onto my elbow all the way to our room. I changed into a pair of cotton sleep pants and a matching camisole that I wouldn't recognize even if I _wasn't_ half-asleep while Alice unloaded our—her—purchases. I proceeded to brush my teeth and otherwise get ready for bed. Bed. The thought of sinking into the soft comfort of the huge four-poster was enough to make me moan. Maybe I'd actually get a full night's rest tonight. I sighed and put my toothbrush back on the counter.

"Bella?"

I poked my head out of the bathroom doorway in response. Alice was fumbling with her keys and didn't appear to have moved since she had finished putting away the clothes.

"Do you think you'll be all right by yourself for a few hours? I, umm, need to… hunt."

"Oh! Of course! I completely forgot. Sorry."

She smiled at me and told me that it was no problem.

"I won't be too long," she assured me on her way out and I nodded.

I turned off the light in the bathroom and made my way to the bed. Once under the covers, I shut off the bedside lamp and attempted to fall asleep. I wasn't sure how long I was asleep, but I was roused out of my reverie by the sound of someone moving through the room. The clock read two-thirty. I sat up in bed.

"Alice?" I called quietly.

No response.

Getting out from under the comforter, I tried again.

"Alice, is that you?"

To no avail.

I stood up and frantically began to scan the room, my eyes not yet adjusted to the darkness. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow brush across the table and fumbled around behind me for some kind of weapon. My hand found a smallish cylindrical object, which I brought up to my face to inspect. A pen. Well, it was the only thing I could find and would probably do more harm than one of my slippers. I clutched it tightly at my side and stepped quietly toward the place where I saw the shadow. Nothing. I was convinced that I was just imagining things and was about to go back to my warm bed when I felt something brush my upper arm. I wheeled around, pen raised and about to stab the would-be assailant. A tall, dark figure stood before me and I let out a little yelp. Without thinking, I brought the hand grasping my weapon down on the figure's chest. Or I thought I did. He—I assumed the figure was male; not many females are naturally that tall—caught my wrist before the pen hit him and I yelped again. I dropped my weapon. I now realized that it was obsolete and I had no chance whatsoever of fighting the attacker off. The massive hand grasping my wrist was warm, almost hot, and oddly familiar. I gasped at the sudden apprehension.

"Jake? Jacob. Oh my God."

He released my arm and said gruffly, "Bella."

I nodded and he bent to hug me. I did not even care that the maneuver probably broke my ribs. This was Jacob, my Jacob.

"Bella? Bella?" Alice's worried voice startled both of us and I pulled away to go to her.

"Here, Alice," I said once I'd reached her. She switched on the light.

"Bella, you disappeared. I feared the worst and rushed back. I didn't know I'd be gone so long and…" She stopped and sniffed my shoulder. I resisted the urge to laugh at her expression. Narrowing her eyes, she searched the room and made a face at the sight of Jacob lounging in a chair.

"Well, I would say 'look what the cat dragged in' but I suppose it would be offensive to a _dog_."

"Probably better than drinking the cat's blood. Or maybe you save that part for its _owner_," Jake retorted, not missing a beat.

I cut in before Alice could say anything. "Cut it out, both of you, or I'll make you hold hands."

Jacob made a face and Alice shuddered delicately. I led her over to the sofa and we sat down.

"Jake, how'd you find us?" I asked him.

"Well," he began, instantly animated, "I was kind of passing through when I smelled something," he paused to look meaningfully at Alice. "rather _foul_. I followed it to this room. You should keep your door locked, by the way. Creepy people y'know? Anyway, I was somewhat surprised you weren't with your bl—erm, _husband_."

I froze. Suddenly, I was engulfed in such a rush of emotion from the past year that I found it extremely hard to hold back the massive flood of tears I knew would come anyway. _Don't do it_, I thought. _Not in front of Jake_. But it was already too late. I felt hot saltwater sting my eyes and cascade down my cheeks. Alice had me in her arms the same second Jacob was beside me asking, "Bella? What is it? What'd I say?" Then Alice was screaming at him in what I could only recognize as French. I did not have to speak the language to know what a fierce chewing-out she was giving him. I pulled out of her grasp and hurried to bathroom, locking the door. No one needed to see this. See me like this. I sat in the corner for close to an hour, though it could have been days and I would not have been able to tell the difference. When I thought the waterworks were over with for the time being, I got up and rinsed my face with cold water. As I opened the door, I caught sight of Alice sitting considerable closer to Jacob, her voice lowered so I could not hear. They both looked up as I re-entered the room. Jake's face paled instantly, and I guessed that Alice had filled him in. He stood up as I neared the sofa.

"Bella. I'm… so sorry. I had no idea…" he trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

I did my best to smile, to comfort him, not realizing how backward that was.

"Hush. Bella needs sleep," Alice piped up, looking pointedly at me.

I nodded and yawned, suddenly feeling the effects of three-thirty in the morning.

"You need sleep, too," I said, yawning, to Jacob. "Take the bed. I can get blankets—"

"Absolutely not!" Alice shrieked, cutting me off. "You sleep on the bed. The _mutt_ can sleep _outside_."

"Fine. At least let him have the sofa?"

She agreed, grumbling, and went off the find a pillow and blanket for out visitor. He tried apologizing again, but I silenced him with a small but significant kiss on the cheek. His huge arms wrapped around me in a warm, less bone-breaking hug. I sighed when he let go due to a couple of throat-clearings from Alice. She handed him a down comforter and pillow and led me back to the huge bed.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked once I was under the blankets.

"Fine," I lied. Right away, I could tell she didn't believe me. But she just nodded and turned off the light.

"Night, Fido," I heard her mutter as she passed Jacob, who returned the comment with a sardonic "See ya, leech". I rolled my eyes. It was like babysitting three-year-olds. With that thought, I drifted off into a deep sleep.

_I'm walking in a darkened forest. I stumble blindly until I reach the familiar meadow. It looks deserted at first glance. Then I spot Edward. Gorgeous as ever, with his back turned to me. I cry out as I ran to him. He does not turn. I grab his shoulder and pull him around to face me. He smiles, so sad, and crumbles into a pile of ashes. And then Jane is in his place, her deep red eyes malicious and penetrating. She full out grins her child-like smile, revealing ivory fangs I know should not have been there. I scream._

"Bella! Wake up!" Alice's voice woke me. She shook my shoulder and I opened my eyes to find myself tangled in the sheets of the four-poster. Jake stood on my other side, an uneasy look on his somnolent face. I shivered, remembering the dream and Alice moved away instinctively, biting her lip. I was sure that by now she'd be able to deduce what my nightmares were about so I didn't bother telling her. She disappeared for half a second and returned with a tall glass of water that I downed quickly. I didn't realize that I was covered in sweat until she began mopping my face with a cloth. I took several deep breaths and climbed out of bed. No sense in trying to sleep anymore.

"Should we check out now?" Alice asked, as if reading my mind.

I acquiesce with a slow nod of my head. "Yeah. You didn't want to shop anymore, did you?"

She laughed and shook her head. I turned back to Jake, who was leaning back in a chair.

"You're coming home with us," I informed him in my best no-nonsense voice. "You can sleep in the car."

The chair came down on the floor with a loud _crack_ and I winced.

"I'm _not_ riding in that parasite's car," he spat out.

"Well, what do you plan to do? Run alongside it?"

He blinked and I got the impression that that was _exactly_ his plan.

"No. I don't care if I have to drag you to the car and duct-tape you to the seat. You will _not_ run beside it."

He smirked. "Drag? Okay, go for it." He held out his arm.

I ignored him and went to help Alice re-pack out belongings.

"All done?" I asked Alice, who signaled her agreement with a slight nod and got into the driver's seat. Jacob was sulking in the back. Turns out, he was very ticklish and it didn't take much to persuade him. Alice started the engine, pausing the adore the purr of the engine. No one really tried to start any kind of conversation during the four-hour car ride and we sat in slience most of the way. The sun shone bright overhead as we crossed tge border back into Washington, a rare sight for all of us. Jacob was fast asleep when we finally reached Forks and I had no intention of waking him. Alice questioned me with her eyes as she pulled into her driveway. I shook my head and quietly took off my seatbelt. We got out and proceeded into the house. We were greeted at the door by Esme and Rose, both of whom surveyed the result of Alice's shopping frenzy with amused faces.

"Alice? Exactly how much did you spend?" Esme asked hesitantly, though I could tell she was not worried.

"Enough," she replied, just as I said, "Too much." Alice giggled and stepped around them to embrace a worried-looking Jasper.

"If you don't mind my asking, Bella," Rosalie began. "Why do you smell like wet dog?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"We picked up a stray," Alice said, pausing from what I imagined was a passionate kiss with Jasper.

I giggled involuntarily and jumped at the sound of a car door slamming. Uh-oh. Jacob was awake. He pounded on the door and I winced, moving to open it. His face was a mixture of rage and confusion.

"What the hell, Bella? Are you _trying_ to suffocate me?"

My eyes widened. "No, Jake. I'm sorry. I just didn't want to wake you. I'll… take you home."

I searched for my keys and smiled when I felt Alice press them into my palm. I said goodbye to her and the rest of my family and went to my truck with Jacob, who, always the gentleman, opened my door for me. He stopped me when I reached a forest near his house.

"Let me out here. I gotta phase."

I did, but not before hugging him and making him promise to call.

"Yes, _Mother_," he said laughing as he closed the door. I grinned.

I made my way back home, the gaping wound in my chest finally starting to heal. When I walked in the door, Charlie was watching what I guessed was baseball. His greeting was a quick "hey", tossed over his shoulder. I returned it with my own "hi" and climbed the stairs to my room. I pulled my shoes off and started to plop down with _Pride And Predjudice_ when something on the dresser caught my eye. Edward's letter lay where I'd left it three days before. I picked it up with shaking hands and took a deep breath before opening it. Tears slid down my face before I'd even finished the first line.

_My dearest Isabella,_

**To be continued...**

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**Ha, cliffie for ya! Don't worry, I'll have the letter in the beginning of the enxt chapter. I'm working on it and hope to cpmplete the next chapter within the next few days. (School, y'know?) Soo... I was thinking and need a few opions. A friend of mine told me that I should do a chapter in Jacob's POV. I'm not sure.. whadya think? Tell me!! GAH!! REVIEW!! Please.**

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	6. Emotions

**YAY!! OMG, I'm soooo sorry I havent updated in WEEKS! I had a major writer's block for awhile and then school... ugh. Anyways, the letter, in my opinion, SUCKS. I suck at mushy stuff.... Oh, and i switched POVs a couple of times so bear with me **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters.**

* * *

_My dearest Isabella,_

_I do not know whether to start by saying I love you or I'm sorry. I realize how unfair I am for leaving like this and you deserve an explanation. One death, if not both, was clearly unavoidable; Alice could sense that after her vision. I simply could not let you end your life because of my own selfish acts. Even in death, I knew I would always blame myself if I allowed Jane to kill you. I suppose it would be foolish to ask your forgiveness, so I will end by saying what you must already know. I love you._

_Forever,_

_Edward_

I wanted to scream. What the hell kind of explanation was that? I felt like I had been torn in half. The everlasting tears had not yet ceased. The hysterical side of me wanted to crumple up the letter and throw it away. Instead, I folded it neatly and placed it back in the envelope with shaking hands, careful not to stain the paper with the salty water cascading down my cheeks. I put it back in its place on the dresser, positioning it so it looked as if it had never been moved. Although it was barely five, I was suddenly engulfed in an enormous wave of pure fatigue. I lay back on the bed, asleep before my head hit the pillow.

* * *

**Jacob**

I ran with blind precision, adrenaline coursing through my veins, drenched in the pure ecstasy of sinew stretching taut over bone as I powered through the wood. The ever-present voices of the rest of the pack filled my mind.

_Jacob,_ they all chorused, breathing sighs of relief when they felt me near. I ignored their constant questioning and pounded on, the wind whipping my overgrown fur around my face and legs. I skidded to a halt when I reached a clearing, my nails digging into the earth with no effort. I found I was not the only one who had done so, as the others began appearing around me. We all seemed to have come from different directions and were hesitant to come forward. Well, most of us. Two very large and very familiar wolves bounded in my direction. I felt my lips pull over my teeth in a wolfish grin as Embry and Quil jumped on me. We wrestled for a few short minutes before the booming voice of the Alpha stopped us.

_Jacob_.

I nodded as best I could and moved into a standing position as Sam sauntered forward.

_You knew, _I accused, looking around the circle at the pack. None of them had to ask what I was referring to. _You knew Bella's leech was dead and didn't tell me anything._

I heard a snort and turned to the sound.

_A bloodsucker's dead and you're offended that no one told you? You'd think any normal wolf would be celebrating at this point,_ Leah's condescending voice taunted me from ten feet away. I growled openly, pulling my lips back so my teeth showed in a menacing snarl.

_I don't give two craps about the parasite, you moron! I care about Bella._

My mind wandered off and I absently replayed Bella's breakdown at the hotel back in my head. All around me, I could feel the wordless shock emanate from the wolves. They had not expected this.

_It's too bad,_ Leah piped up, arrogant as ever. _Now she can't live her dream of becoming a filthy bloodsucking monster._

That did it. A ferocious snarl ripped from my throat and I threw myself at her, teeth snapping with every intent of biting whatever I could manage to get hold of. The Alpha's double-timbre voice halted me.

_STOP,_ he commanded and I faltered, forced to obey.

_Jacob, you will_ not_ another wolf out of anger. Leah, do not not taunt him. He is pained to see Bella like that and we will _all_ respect that._

I saw Leah's knees buckle and coerced my own to keep me upright. The tension around me was almost unbearable. Somewhere behind me, Embry whined uneasily.

_Jake, you're losing it, man._

I didn't disagree. I _was_ losing it. Seeing Bella melt like that had put me on edge. Not that I wouldn't have tried to attack Leah if she'd said that any other time. I could feel Seth tense as I thought this and mentally rolled my eyes.

_She's a big girl, Seth. She can _lose_ her own battles,_ I thought sardonically. Leah growled.

_Enough,_ Sam said. _Jacob, go home to Billy. I imagine he would like to see that you're safe. _

It wasn't a command, but I felt obligated to comply. Plus, I really wanted to see my dad. I turned back the way I'd come and trotted home. I stopped briefly and shifted from my wolf form, pulling the black sweatpants from the cord around my leg and shrugging them on. I opened the door with some uncertainty and peered in. My dad came wheeling up to me and I grinned.

"Welcome home," he said as I bent to hug him.

I nodded and eased back. He could see the weariness on my face and let me past. When I got to my room, I immediately flopped down on the bed. I had not realized that I'd fallen asleep until I awoke to a light knocking at my door. I groaned and went to open it. Bella stood on the other side, and I found myself gaping at her red puffy eyes and sallow cheeks.

"You look like hell," I commented.

"That bad?" She asked, smiling feebly.

I nodded, distracted, and in that same instant she was in my arms, sobbing so hard that her whole body shook. Instinctively, my arms came up and wrapped around her frail form.

"Shhhhhhh," I whispered, as she continued crying on my bare chest.

It broke my heart to see her like this. When Edward was alive, I had always been convinced that he would kill her. But this. No, this was not what I'd expected. Even when he'd left her more than two years ago, it had never been this bad. I shook with anger, both at him for leaving her so hurt, so broken, and at myself for running away. And then I felt her shaking subside as Bella slowly raised her head.

"I'm sorry," she choked out, wiping her eyes. She started to back away but I caught her hands.

"No," I murmured softly, pulling her back to me. "I am."

I pressed my lips to her forehead and she sighed ever so softly. She tilted her head and I almost gasped as she caught me by surprise with the gentlest of kisses.

* * *

**Bella**

My breath caught in my throat. What was I doing?

_You're kissing your best friend,_ a little voice in my head reminded me. Right. Slowly, I lifted my arms to encircle Jake's neck, enabling him to angle his head and deepen the kiss. I blocked out all the raging protests from my sensible side and tried to forget that this person's skin was not ice-cold. That he was not the person who, just over a year ago, had asked me to marry him. That he wasn't Edward. I wanted desperately to block out everything and will myself to be with Jacob. I held in a gasp as I felt myself being lifted off the floor and pushed gently against the closed door. Some part of my rationality returned and I remembered that I needed to breathe. I pulled back and took in several gulps of air and shivered as I felt Jake's teeth graze my ear. He moved back to my lips and, at first, I felt no hesitation as I started to meet him halfway. But then some part of me shut down, and I stopped.

"I have to go," I whispered, pulling away.

I ached to go back to him but forced my hands down to my sides and my face away from his. I flinched at the sight of his blazing eyes as I slipped from his grasp. I blinked back tears as I exited the room, silently praying that he would follow me. That he would pull me around and convince me to stay. He didn't and I hurried out of the house, biting my hand to keep from screaming out in frustration.

It seemed near impossible to drive; I wasn't sure how I even made it out of the driveway. My eyes were endlessly tearing up, making seeing the road extremely difficult. Twice, I almost unconsciously flipped on the windshield wipers. It took me five whole minutes to register that the driveway I had pulled into was not my own. Still, I got out and walked to the door. Alice was there before I could even think about touching the knob. I fell into her arms, exhausted, not letting the tears come just yet.

"Alice," I said softly as she led me to her bedroom. "Please. Change me. I can't stand it."

She leaned against the dresser and said simply, "No."

I didn't bother trying to argue; the no-nonsense look in her eyes clearly said that it was her final answer.

"Now," she said, straightening up, "let's get you cleaned up. You're a mess."

I gave a weak smile and followed her out of the room.

* * *

**Jacob**

As soon as I heard the front door close, I turned, pulled back my arm, and brought it back to the wall with enough force that it created a large crater in the off-white plaster. It wasn't enough to vent out all the emotion swimming in both my head and chest, but I refrained from taking out the entire wall. Ignoring Billy's warning of "you break it, I take it out of your allowance," I shrugged on a black tee shirt and switched my sweats for a pair of faded jeans. I even put on shoes. I walked out of my room, grabbed the keys, and continued outside. I got into the Rabbit and pushed the key into the ignition, still not sure of where exactly I was going. I headed into town, debating whether or not I was going to come back. Not caring. It would be easy to leave. Just disappear.

_Bella doesn't need me,_ I thought bitterly as I pulled into a parking space. I didn't even glance at the name of the store as I walked into it. My only guess was that it was a mall, and, judging by the crowd, a popular one at that. I wove through the throng of people, walking aimlessly through the building. I passed a coffee stand and pushed by a group of people blocking the exit. One of them, a girl about my age, tripped and spilled the entire contents of her purse. I started to leave.

_Aw, hell_, I thought, turning back to help her pick up her belongings. She saw me and raised her head, face flushed with embarrassment.

"Thank you. I'm so incredibly…"

But I didn't listen to the rest. I stared into her jade-green eyes that were accented by her dark hair. Suddenly, it was like time had stopped and she was the only person in the room with me. The only person in the world. I watched her lightly glossed lips as she spoke. Faintly, I heard her heart pound in her chest. My mind screamed at me as I felt myself stand up and walk over to her. _Bella, _it shrieked at me. _You want Bella._ But I kept walking. Extended my hand to help her up. Handed her the three tubes of lipstick she had dropped. Let her walk me out the door.

"I'm Tessa."

* * *

**Bella**

Alice finished wiping my cheeks and putting my hair back in order. I stood up and started to thank her when she sucked in a sharp breath and froze. Her golden eyes seemed very far away and I waited patiently until the vision passed. She blinked and a slow smile crept onto her lips.

"Oh, Bella. It's wonderful."

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**Yeah, cliffie again, i know. Don't wory, I'll have the next (and last *sniffle*) chapter up SOON Yes, i said last. seven chapters doesnt seem like a lot but i finally found a way to end it and i cant think of anything else to write. Idk, maybe i'll do a sequel. No hints on the ending yet, though. Oh, and plzzzzzzzz review. I've gotten tons of ppl putting me on alert but not reviewing. Thanks to you ppl who do though... makes my day. REVIEW!**


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